While I am not a doctor, I subscribe to a modified version of the oath: “First, do no harm.” Specifically, in my writing I strive to “First and last, make no difference.” It was in this spirit that I shared a brief article in a previous newsletter: “The Need for Speed.” The intent of that piece was to get people to slow the heck down while driving through the neighborhood. Remember, some of us are not that fast through the crosswalk. In fact, we have to admit that some of us measure our reaction times with a calendar. Despite my good intentions—but true to my motto—it made no difference. We still have several drivers who choose to test their skills on the unbanked oval race track called Grace Circle. That said, hope springs eternal, as does the road in front of the clubhouse. 

I continue to think I can change at least some behavior within our neighborhood. I should know better given my wife’s lack of success in changing my behavior over the years. However, since I’m not getting paid by the word, I’ll get to the point: We’ve got trouble and to paraphrase The Music Man:


We’ve got trouble. 
Right here in Acworth city. 
Trouble with a capital “T”
And that rhymes with “G” 
And that stands for garages!

You heard (or read) me right. We have a garage problem here in Grace. It is a classic case of the Haves vs. the Have-nots. Specifically, the “Haves” possess garages filled with a lifetime of memories, excess Christmas decorations, and boxes filled with poor purchasing decisions. I will admit I’m solidly in the Haves’ camp. I’ve never met a shipping box I didn’t like and might need at some undefined date in the future.


Meanwhile, the “Have-nots” flaunt their large, clean, open spaces that are also lacking any of the things that make us truly human. By that, I mean mostly the memories and not the poor purchasing decisions and empty boxes.


Since clearly the Have-nots are the ones with the problem here, I’ll speak directly to them. This will allow the Haves to use the time in their garage searching through boxes for the longer extension cord they know is there somewhere. The Haves can catch up after they give up and go online to order another cord.

I will start with a theological argument. If God had intended our garages to be neat, He would not have stocked Home Depot with so many cool I-could-use-that-someday items, and Walmart would not have any “As Seen on TV” displays. More to the point, He would not have allowed Amazon.com and the Home Shopping Network to exist. Clearly, one part of the design of the universe is that we have stuff and have it abundantly. It’s in the Bible if you don’t believe me. Not in those exact words, but something like that. 

If that doesn’t convince you, I’ll switch to a sort-of legal argument. Though I’m guessing most of us haven’t read them, our covenants include: 

“The doors of garages shall be kept closed at all times, except during times of entry and exit from the garage, or when someone is working or playing in or around the garage.”

Those who wrote our covenants clearly are on the side of the Haves. They expect us to hide what lurks in our garages. Why would anyone want to see what we have stacked in front of the grey walls? The walls that got painted in some shade of grey that isn’t even Agreeable Grey.


One more thing for the Have-nots. If you were just letting everyone see all the way through to your water heater, that would be bad enough. A handful of you go beyond that and have the impudence to park not one, but two cars inside your garage. I think we can all agree that goes beyond having an organizational fixation. You’re just showing off. 


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