[It’s summer so that means it is time for reruns. This was first published on May 15, 2022. Chances are if I hadn’t mentioned that, you’d think is was new material.]

My life revolves around reading the weekly newsletter containing updates from the GraceInAcworth.org website. When you think of it, that is rather sad since I am the one who posts items on the site. Still, I hope you look forward—as I do—to the email that comes out precisely at 5:00 PM every Sunday. Except when it is precisely 8:00 PM on Sunday. Or maybe some time not so precisely on Tuesday. Like many here, I am retired, so I quit obsessing over this little detail some time ago.

I’ve never mentioned it, but in case you have forgotten, the purpose of the newsletter is twofold:

  1. To remind you of events you have no interest in attending. 
  2. To provide updates on things you don’t care about.

I think I have consistently met those goals except where I’ve failed. Given the subscription price, no one has much cause to complain. Yet I get some complaints when the newsletter doesn’t arrive when expected. A few folks apparently look to the newsletter to let them know what day it is. To address this occasional empty spot in the schedule, I have added a new feature that conveniently matches the title of this post—How to Survive a Week Without Grace News. It is a list of things you can do to fill the time you would otherwise spend reading and re-reading the real Grace news items.

Things to do when there’s no Grace news to read:

  1. Develop three separate theories to explain why there is always a puddle on the road near the clubhouse.
    • Extra credit if one of your theories involves ancient astronauts, Nostradamus, or the Mayan solar calendar. 
  2. Look up the health department reports for every restaurant you visited in the last month. Make appropriate recommendations to your neighbors based on how much you like your neighbors. 
  3. Shop at the corner CVS and count the number of “Buy One Get One Half Off” deals.
    • While still at CVS, purchase an item and then review the three-foot-long register receipt. Make additional purchases to take advantage of every discount and reward dollar. 
    • Go back to CVS the next day with your new coupons and repeat the process. Continue until you have enough toothpaste and deodorant to get you through the next decade.
  4. There is a variation where you start by shopping at Kohl’s for a single item.
    • Go back the next day to take advantage of the coupons and Kohl’s Cash you received.
    • Keep going back until you no longer have any coupons or Kohl’s Cash. You might not live forever doing this, but it will feel like it.
  5. Get on Facebook and look up your high school sweetheart—the one who married someone else. Say a brief prayer thanking God that you dodged a bullet on that one.
  6. Send an email with a news item for next week so you won’t have to endure another version of this list. The neighborhood is counting on you.

Image by Dirk Wouters from Pixabay