As members of the Grace in Acworth Traffic Committee, we have received several comments from your neighbors regarding the speed of vehicles traveling through our subdivision. A few busybodies apparently think some of us are driving too fast. They must not realize how boring it can be to commute from our homes to the mailboxes. As the group responsible for our use of the roads (but not the schedule for the asphalt), we took it upon ourselves to investigate and came to two conclusions.
First, everyone agreed it was the fault of other people. Most of the other people are visitors driving recklessly through the neighborhood and they just don’t know better. The remaining speeding drivers live here but are members of the other political party. Since it is practically impossible to get any of these people to slow down, we have provided the next best thing—a list of excuses reasons why it is a really a good idea to speed around Grace Circle.

Time. According to Google Map, it is 0.2 miles from the entrance to the farthest spot in Grace. That means driving at the posted 25 mph speed limit could take you as much as 29 seconds to get home. Driving at 50 mph will get you home in 15 seconds. It might not seem like much, but when you get to be our age, those extra 14 seconds add up. Remember, 25 is the new 50.  14 seconds, twice daily can save you 2.84 hours each year.

Motivation. Many of us like to walk through the neighborhood and typically at a leisurely pace. A pleasant walk with frequent stops to speak to people out on their porches does not provide much exercise. A car bearing down on you at 35+ while you cross the street provides an incentive to move a little quicker and can get the blood moving. Who needs a gym membership when a neighbor’s visiting grandson can provide you with a reason to run (not walk) across the road?

AT&T. Some would have you believe it is possible to record TV shows using U-Verse. If you have not quite conquered that remote-with-too-many-buttons, you might find yourself running late to get home for the live start of Judge Judy. In that case, no one could blame you for speeding a little. That way you can be sure to get into your favorite chair before she rips into the first defendant.

Children of the Sixties. Most of us lived through the Sixties. We might not remember the Sixties. We might not admit to what might or might not have happened during the Sixties. Still, we are part of a generation that came of age wanting to “stick it to the Man.” At this point in our lives, some of us must admit we now are “the Man” or are married to him. That does not keep us from wanting to stick it to someone. If the only rebellion we have left is to speed through the neighborhood, then who will dare stand in our way?

Geese. It would be cruel to suggest that anyone use their car to chase the neighborhood’s geese, so we will not suggest that. However, some “aggressive herding” might be necessary.

NASCAR Dreams. We live in the South. We live on an oval road. Enough said.

If none of these excuses reasons apply to you, then just slow down. Judge Judy is probably a rerun anyway.

Sincerely,
The Grace in Acworth Traffic Committee